Count on yourself so others can count on you.

"Will I be able to do this?"

"What if I fail?"

"How will others react?"

"What will they think?"

We all face these questions at different times in our lives. Yes, it’s not just you! We all share these behavioral patterns. These questions are merely a reflection of the doubt, insecurity, indecisiveness and uncertainty that we all share as thinking humans.

It's Us and Them.

We often compare ourselves to others. More often than not, this happens when we are in a state of self doubt, insecurity, indecisiveness or uncertainty about a certain choice we must make.

We tend to fill our minds with these thoughts of self doubt. What this does is, it eats up our own thinking energy. So It does us no good in the end. By the time we realize this, we have already wasted much of our time and energy.

 

A good comparison?

You don’t really know very well these people that you’re comparing yourself to. What I mean to say is that you see their outside, but you don’t see the reality of their life. There are always people out there who are doing far better than you on pretty much anything you can imagine. But, you tend to forget one important thing about them. Their reality is different than yours.

Maybe you see someone speeding down the highway in an expensive SUV, and you think “Oh what a lucky person!” And the truth could be that they are thinking about wrapping their expensive sports car around the next cement pillar that they come across, or driving it down into a lake. Not so lucky, after all.

Their reality is different than yours. The truth is people have hard lives. Even people who are comparatively fortunate have hard lives. The ideal person that you observe making you jealous and resentful - it is just an illusion created by your own mind. You have to be careful of what you’re jealous of, because you don’t really know what it is.

The other thing that is useful is to understand that you’re quite different from other people. We all are. You shouldn’t be comparing yourself to them. They’re not like you. They don’t have your family. They don’t have your temperament. They don’t have your troubles. And most important of all, they don’t have your abilities. The only person that has those is you!

 

What I’m trying to say is, if all you’re doing is seeing yourself in their reflected life, comparing yourself to these people, then it’s going to be pretty dismal for you. This is because, firstly, they’re not you. God only knows what struggles they had to undertake to get to where they were, or what burdens they’re currently carrying that you’re not aware of. 

On the other hand, you are your own best judge. You know yourself inside and out. Your strengths and your weaknesses, your dreams and your demons. The best way forward is to use this knowledge of self to your own advantage.

 

Contrast yourself to yourself :)

You can certainly learn the most about yourself from your former self. Contrast yourself to yourself, it’s a lot better than doing so with others. In fact, at times I think it is the only way. Well, it is the only way of really measuring anything worth improvement, that's for sure. Because, you can tell when you’re a little better than you were yesterday, can't you?

See, you can actually do that! That’s another thing that is so interesting about it. You can actually make yourself a little better in some way, pretty much on a daily basis. Count on yourself to be better than your former self. It gives your life a sense of purpose without comparing yourself to others, because, as we know from earlier, their reality is different from yours.

Work on an ability you wish to develop for the betterment of yourself and others around you. In return, as time progresses, and you get better and better at it, others will be able to count on you to do so for them too.

For example, if you want to be punctual, then firstly, be punctual to yourself, for yourself, and not just for the sake of others around you. This way, it becomes a habit instead of a burden. And we all know that habits are something that are developed, while a burden is something that's carried unwillingly. Instead of painting a layer of something onto your personality, embed it into your character. Because personality is how we behave in front of others, but character is who we are even when no-ones around and looking.

The possibility that we can make ourselves slightly better on a continual basis is something that’s accessible to everyone. I think its equivalent to leading a virtuous life. So count on yourself and others will count on you. I think it is a great way to maximize our chances of striking a balance between success and well-being.